"The Others": A Review

If there is one movie that proves there is no playbook when it comes to hauntings, it is "The Others."

"The Others" shows tremendous insight into the world of spirits.  When dealing with a haunting, there are no guarantees that you will directly hear or see the dead.  Different members of your family may experience different things.  Children and sensitives are most likely to report sightings and strange occurences.  

There is also no guarantee that the ghost will hear or see you.  Most likely, haunting entities will be aware of their death state and recognize you as living (or as an "other").  But some ghosts are so lost to their death state, it is all that they re-live, over and over.  Something has to happen to break those chains.  In the movie, it was a seance conducted by a medium.  But I do not like seances.  Like Ouija boards, they exist for a reason and a purpose, but it is like playing with fire.  

When Grace is forced to confront what she did in life, the activity in the home immediately calmed down.  But only because she was able to accept the truth.  It is dangerous to confront spirits.  Just as it can be dangerous to confront people.  In this respect, the same rules apply.  Wait until the right time.  Be sure of what you want to say.  If possible, get professional help.

I suppose that it is possible for the living and the dead to co-exist peacefully.  Just like it is possible for people to co-exist peacefully.  But, just because something is possible, or even the best outcome, does not make it so.  Unfortunately, life is not a movie.  Spirits may become angry or violent when confronted.  Therefore, it is best to tread lightly and deal with the problems that are within your power to control.

The Day is for the Living...

The night is for the dead.

This is an important rule to remember.  It is too bad that Michael in Paranormal Witness's "The House on the Lake" had no idea how important this rule could be.  This was Big Mistake #2.  

Though seldom heeded, this old creed is sound in its wisdom.  Just like it is best to deal with hard business early, so it is when dealing with a haunting.  Or trying to prevent a haunting from getting a real foothold.  Make your changes, do your cleaning, take care of what chores you can during the day.  Allow the house to settle at night.

If you are living in a house that you have occupied for a while, this rule may not be so hard and fast.  Especially if you are not being disturbed by signs of a haunting.  However, don't be surprised if your evenings become much more peaceful as a result.  It is a difficult rule to manage in this modern age when there are seldom enough hours in the day.  But it is a goal worth pursuing.

Whatever you do, don't buy an ancient home and wait until night falls to start hammering away.  This is no way to introduce yourself.  If there are haunting entities, there is no better way to annouce yourself as a hostile presence.  Your new neighbors will probably not thank you either.  Be a good neighbor.  Conduct your business during waking hours.  

Why Fresh Air is so Crucial...

Fresh air is essential to neutralizing negative influences in your environment.  If there is no air movement, it will be impossible to keep a lid on the tensions and pressures brewing around you.  In feng shui, this energy is referred to as Chi.  Chi is the flow of energy around you.  This energy can carry a charge, either positive or negative.  It is not possible to maintain a good quality of life without a positive flow of chi.

Have you ever been involved in an argument that stretched out slowly over months? The kind punctuated only by the occassional skirmish where new lines are drawn before the Cold War resumes? Guess what kind of charge that energy carries.  Often the pressure will build until one of you explodes, usually at a ridiculous hour of the night or morning.  Then, nobody gets any sleep.

Feng shui is filled with many ideas about how to stop this negative cycle.  But one of the best is allowing fresh air into the environment.  This simple act will improve the flow of chi around you.  Of course, there is a balance to be struck between fresh air and bills.  It is important to find this balance.  In the dead of winter, get outside and fill your lungs with crisp, cold air.  Shovel snow or tromp around the block in your warm boots.  Enjoy the winter wonderland.  You will feel better about whatever is bothering you.

In the summer, open the windows at night and early in the morning.  If you are running the air conditioning 24/7, understand that this is expensive and unhealthy.  Sometimes, we have to adapt, rather than paying to adjust the environment to our needs.  Find the balance.  Search for a place to live where you are comfortable.  Air conditioning unnaturally compresses and freezes air flow.  It does for air what nuggets do for chicken.  Besides, ghosts love air conditioning.

The study of Chi indicates that the flow of energy is like the ebb and flow of the ocean.  If you can channel this energy, then your life will be blessed with good health, wealth, and love.  

When you restrict the flow of chi, you are restricting the good around you.  Homes that are cluttered feel stuffy and oppressive.  Taken to an extreme, it may result in a living hell of hoarded objects, dead air, and emotional turbulence.  A perfect storm for a haunting to manifest.    

The easiest element to deal with is dead air.  Give in to your id and crack open those windows.  Let the wind blow.  Let the storm thunder.  Breathe deep and walk around barefoot when its warm.  Pull on a sweater and drink hot chocolate when it turns cold.  Take a moment to be grateful for the beauty of summer.  And the deep peace of winter.  It is your home.  It deserves to be a true haven for you.

Knock, knock...

Nobody's there.

Happy Friday the 13th!

When dealing with a haunting, one of the most common occurences is hearing something knock, bang, pound on a door.  If you are ever unlucky enough to experience this, it may be difficult to resist the urge to swing open the door and confront whatever might be on the other side.  Brave, yes.  Admirable, sure.  Foolish, absolutely.

Haunting entities who are bent on taking over your house (and, most likely, you) are looking for ways in.  Opening the door signifies that you are available to the haunting entity.  I know it does not seem fair, but it is what it is.

Haunting entities want acknowledgment.  It empowers them.  In essence, you are saying, "Yes, come on in."  And that's not a good idea.

It is natural for us to satisfy our curiousity.  Whatever could be knocking? Something is in my house! But, it is a mistake.  And while it may be a noble pursuit to confront your personal demons, there is no prize for walking on quaking legs to lay your shaking hand upon that doorknob.  Nor to stride purposefully towards the sound of the disturbance, fairly ripping the door off its hinges to do battle come what may.  The result will be the same.  You have given permission to the haunting entity to enter your space.

At this point, you will probably experience a dramatic uptick in the activity.  Physically, you can probably count on dwindling finances, breathtaking mood swings, relationship problems, and the onset of health troubles.  On the haunting front, anything goes.  

Living with a haunting is like living in a prison.  You may feel exhausted.  It will be hard to share your troubles with others.  You may feel isolated.  You may feel that you are rushing about in slow motion.  Everything seems dark.  Fear may imbue your life with an eerie quality.  Never knowing what is coming next.  Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Regardless of knocks, if you recognize these symptoms, then you are being haunted.  Either in your mind or in your home.

Not opening the door may not stop all this, but continued refusal to cede your ground will tip the scales in your favor, especially when the time comes to really deal with the problem.  So, it is better to wait out the knocks.  No matter how loud they get or how scared you are, they will stop.  This may not stop the haunting entity from entering anyway, but you have stood your ground.  

Leaving the space by any available avenue is also preferable to opening the door.  But, beware, the haunting entity may follow and resume its campaign.  It takes courage to hold your space.

If you have trouble with slamming doors, a similar rule applies.  Do not rush to investigate and throw the door open.  Again, this is an acknowledgement.  Instead, let the moment pass.  And, the next time you come across the door in question, casually re-open it, and then go about your business.  Remember, it is your home.  You have the final say over what doors stay open and which ones remain closed.

"The Lynchville Secret"

In many ways, this episode of Paranormal Witness exemplified both the best and worst choices that people can make when they are faced with a very strong haunting entity.

The best thing this family did was go and get some answers about the history of the property.  It is always better to know what you are dealing with.  The library and local historians (or authors) are great resources for gathering information.

The worst thing the family did was call a local paranormal team.  Local paranormal teams are usually really good at stirring things up, but not so much at quieting a situation down.  When someone is dealing with a haunting entity they need less intensity, not more.

In this case, the paranormal team suggested trying to record the ghosts.  If answers are what you want, this is possibly the worst way to get them.  Actually, seances may be worst of all.  In either case, I do not recommend ever directly acknowledging a haunting entity unless you are ready to confront it.  Go to the library for answers.  No scratchy ghost recording is ever going to be as thorough or reliable as a local history book.

There are a lot of quacks and thrill seekers out there.  Don't let someone come in and make things worse for their own ends.   One good rule of thumb is to avoid anyone who suggests putting you in direct contact with the haunting entity.  Genuine investigators or mediums will try to limit your exposure to the haunting entity.  Most will also limit their interactions with you so as not to bias their results.  

Ashes to ashes...

Recently, I lost someone whom I loved very much.  And while this hole in my heart may never be filled, I find myself wishing that I could find some closure.  I think of the lake where the deceased wanted her ashes spread.  I also think of the words I would choose to say my final goodbye. 

I find it upsetting that my loved one is still awaiting a true burial.  I also find it disturbing to have to face the pretty jar that holds her remains whenever I visit her former home.  It pollutes the air with a sense of unresolved loss.

Unfortunately, I do not control the ashes.  The person who does possess them has chosen to wait.

But what on earth does this have to do with hauntings?

Simple.  Ashes are bad juju.  They have nothing to do with the person you lost.  At best, when you lose someone, you have your memories.  Maybe you also have a few souvenirs from the good times you shared.  That's it.  That's all anyone gets.  Hanging on to their charred remains does not do anyone any good; not the deceased, and not you.

What is this hang-up we have? And why is it condoned? It is not proof of undying love.  Instead, it is a powerful expression of a psyche that is unwilling to let go.  Burial is important.  It grants closure, a chance to accept the finality of what has happened.  Willfully refusing to bury the dead is not healthy behavior.

Historically, societies have understood the importance of separating the dead from the living.  Some cultures, such as the Egyptians, embalmed the deceased, but then they stored the bodies far away from the living.  The dead were laid to rest in Cairo Necropolis, the City of the Dead.  Burial, cremation, embalming, etc. have been important methods to not only protect the physical health of the living, but also their mental health.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust...

Not ash to urn, urn to mantel.  When we hold on to what is essentially death in a jar, we are refusing to let go of a loved one.  We must let go, so that the spirit is free to move on.  And so that we may also be free.  There is nothing new in any of this, except maybe our willingness to honor the cycle.

Ashes are potent conductors of spiritual energy.  Holding on to ashes may not guarantee a haunting, but it certainly will not help.  Maybe this is why people do it.  Perhaps they wish to be haunted by the spirit of a loved one.  They may believe that it's the only way to keep a piece of that person in their lives.  

I say hold fast to your memories, especially the good ones.  Hauntings are not positive events, even if it is the ghost of a loved one.  Hauntings should never be encouraged, regardless of the reasons.  It is not fair to the living or the deceased.  Aesop said, "We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified."  And so it is.

It is important to know that the cremation of human and animal remains does not result in benign, soft ash.  Instead, it is a heavy, oily, viscous substance.  It is unpleasant to deal with, but deal with it, you must.

I also do not recommend splitting the ashes between two or three locations.  Would you do this to a body about to be buried? Of course not.  Pick a place that everyone involved can live with (this may require some discussion and compromise) and just do it.  You remember your loved one as a whole person, so bury them as one.  

After my recent loss, it was suggested to me that I should consider a new trend.  Apparently, you can now split ashes and have them fired into crystals, which you can then wear as jewelry.  I was dumbstruck.  I had no idea what to say.  Please do not consider this.  It is not an act of love.  Would you wear a dismembered hand as a rememberance (Jaime Lannister notwithstanding)? This action will have a catalyzing effect on your inability to let go and the spiritual energy contained therein.  Remember the old adage: If you love something, let it go.

I say again, ashes are bad juju.  Breathe deep and let go.  Say goodbye for real.  It is the only way to heal.  Look to the seahorses.  "With every dawn, when first light penetrates the sea, many seahorse colonies perform a dance to the sun (Rob Brezsny, 'Pronoia')."  Do not wallow in the darkness of death.  Celebrate life.  

It's not a chocolate bar, so don't chase it into a closet...

I don't know how many times I have watched TV dramatizations of hauntings where people try to chase down the source of the footsteps, knocks, what have you.

Don't do this! And never, ever pick up a weapon to aid in your pursuit.  Guns and money may (unfortunately) be the most expedient tools for doing business in the real world, but those rules cease to apply when dealing with the spirit realm.  Well, one truism transcends both planes: violence only begets more violence.  

Save the knives for burglars who accidently fall through your skylight, break their leg, and sue you for damages.

If you hear knocks, ignore them.  Pick up a magazine, clean something, or just leave the room.  Don't panic and run.  Running away is almost as bad as chasing.

No doubt, you will be tempted to discuss this with the first available family member who cuts in front of you on your way to the bathroom.  It is fine to discuss any incidents and you probably should, but have that conversation when you are out of the house.

But, why all the rules? After all, these are perfectly understandable responses to unexplained activity in your home.  

The reason is simple.  Ghosts want your attention.  They want you to acknowledge them.  Doing so allows them to feed more off your energy.  Chasing, running away, being visibly panicked are all reactions that tell haunting entities that they have the power to manipulate your actions.  In this way, haunting entities are like schoolyard bullies.

Don't do it.  Remember, it is your home.  You have the power.